Why are you angry?
Did someone say something to you?
Did someone hit you?
Did someone lie to you or hurt you emotionally?
These are all possibilities!!
Obvious and reasonable possibilities for you to be ANGRY…
I don’t intend to deny them. I don’t intend to steal you from your pain that’s been caused to you by these ‘external factors’.
But my question is, “WHY ARE YOU ANGRY? Why YOU and not THEY?”
If you were hurt because of someone else’s actions why is it that only you are angry and not the other person when you both were in the same situation at the same time? (assuming that the other person is actually isn’t angry)
It’s simple. You CHOSE. You chose to be angry. You chose to punish yourself for someone else’s faults or actions. You chose to be angry because you had all these EXPECTATIONS from the other person. Your CHOICE coupled EXPECTATIONS is what’s making you angry and causing you misery.
Anger cannot be simply alleviated with good and positive thoughts. There is a whole lot of complexity. Your neurons are doing their part; their sole job is changing your brain’s chemistry and that is giving rise to this emotion called anger. Neuroscience cannot be ignored here. Also, there is a whole lot of explanation from the evolutionary point of view as well. But my questions are more focused into freewill. My point is that you are angry and you must do something about it. Your anger is a reaction. Sometimes it is okay to be angry because you cannot always put a hold on your reactions. It’s just not humanly possible. But being angry; constantly angry is pain. It’s a grave pain for your mental well-being. And that’s why you must learn how to take control over your reactions.
It takes time. If I say you stop your expectations from other people or you simply have to acknowledge that you always have a choice. I am afraid it is too much to ask. These ideas are easier said than done.
So how should you start? Where should you start?
Whenever you are about to angry simply tell yourself that ‘right now I am angry.’ Acknowledge your anger. Then don’t listen to your thoughts. Let them float. Let them circle around in your head. Give them time. Some time. Even more if its needed. Take a deep breath. Tell yourself that you are going to react after 1 minute. Let that minute pass. If you are still angry give your reaction time one more minute. You will cool down eventually . It shall pass. Now by doing this you are choosing not to get angry. You are choosing to let go off the expectations.
Detachment from the moment becomes the key.